UFC 133 Results and Analysis: The Night Of The Banana Hammock

Rashad Evans put on a great performance, but it didn't much matter. It wouldn't have mattered if the amazing Japanese submission master Rumina Sato had tutored Evans for months in a Japanese dojo - and the former champion had finished Tito Ortiz with a flying armbar. He could have come in with the members of Boyz II Men singing the baritone sections and no one would have batted an eyebrow. It wouldn't have mattered if Jean Claude Van Damme had one upped Steven Seagal and taught Rashad a spinning back kick. Tonight, no matter what Evans pulled off, was the night of the Banana Hammock.

I've seen a lot of strange things in mixed martial arts. I've seen Genki Sudo fight the obese boxer Butterbean. I've seen Kazushi Sakuraba come to the ring dressed as Super Mario, an inappropriate and insensitive comment based on Sakuraba's belief that opponent Kevin Randleman looked, well, like Donkey Kong. I've even seen Tank Abbott and Kimbo Slice go toe to toe on nationwide television. But I've never seen anything like the display put on by Dennis Hallman and Brian Ebersole tonight at UFC 133.

Ebersole came to the cage with his chest hair shaved into the shape of an arrow. It was pointing at his head. I guess that's better than the alternative. He calls this metrosexual grooming calamity the "hairrow." Hallman, not to be outdone, entered the Octagon with the skimpiest banana hammock speedos in the history of the sport. Ring card girls wear more cloth than Hallman sported. Frank Shamrock wouldn't have been caught dead in those things. In the era of board and cargo shorts, it was like seeing a European at the beach. Not a pretty sight.

Hallman got his comeuppance almost immediately. Instant karma, the late John Lennon might have said. Ebersole knocked him silly and had his hand raised. But the result is an afterthought in this case. Dennis Hallman, a career journeyman, entered his name in the history books. It was a moment, unfortunately, I won't soon forget.